


The Cactus

by st19780309 (orphan_account)



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, maybe I guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:55:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25490500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/st19780309
Summary: This is little old fic i wrote when i was really new to the fandom. i always tried to translate it myself, and finally did it today. enjoy it!
Relationships: Mark "Mute" Chandar/James "Smoke" Porter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	The Cactus

**Author's Note:**

> This is little old fic i wrote when i was really new to the fandom. i always tried to translate it myself, and finally did it today. enjoy it!

At Hereford basement, it rained heavily. A man, who was looking out the window with his blurry eyes, suddenly put his upper body out of the window to see the ground as if he realized something is wrong. He balanced himself―which had gotten lost because of his hasty hands―and after that, he took his hurry footsteps to outside of his room and started running through the hall. But his run was unexpectedly collided into someone who was walking from the other side.  
“Urggh,” The man unintentionally faced the other who encountered him. The victim who tangled with him was Baker.  
“Who the hell is running in th….. Chander?”  
Baker was going to judge this impolite soldiers, but he couldn’t. Chander’s eyelids were red because of his tears, and he was definitely constrain his emotion although he was in confusion. Baker didn’t know what exactly happened to Chander, but he was able to notice what it was about.  
“Chander, is it because of Porter or―”  
“I apologize, sir,” Chander bowed to Baker with that short words, and after, he started to splint again and disappeared away from Baker.  
After skipping some steps of a stair and running down to the first floor, Chander sprinted straight to an exit of the base. He wasn't possible to care about heavy rain pressing down and soaking him. He immediately ran into the barren ground where he looked down at the window, and kneeled himself down. At there, a cactus was lying with the brown pottery broken into several pieces were what there was. Chander, with slightly his trembling hands, lumped the broken flower pot and soil and got the cactus in his hands. And He kept watching it down. He realized He was whimpering, so he tried not to cry out. Fortunately the stormy rain was whipping his tear, and it was at least a good news. With his body heavily soaked with rain, with holding broken cactus pot in his hands, he raised and walk into the base.

***  
It was a rare day to see clear sunshine. James, went to the downtown for the first time in long time, brought many things. Various stuffs were all mixed already because of an inspection, and those were all showing each one’s silhouette from the paper bag.  
“Sup, Babes! See all of what I bought for y’all!” James acted cocky as always he does, and airily threw the paper bag onto a bed belongs to him.  
“Other people are not here, though.” while Chander answered him carelessly, he unintentionally realized something: Porter had a pot of cactus in his arm carefully unlikely he hackly threw the paper bag. “What is that?”  
“Don’t you see? It’s a cactus.” still acting smugly, but with more tenderly, James handed the cactus pot―which he had in his arm preciously like it is a treasure―to Chander immediately.  
“What is your intention of buying and giving it to me?” Chander’s voice became little grumpy.  
“A gift, innit a present as you see?” suddenly, James stopped his overblown action, and stared Mark’s eyes with a face of friendly and joyful smile and told, “Take care of it as like it is just me.”  
“As like… you?” Mark tilted his head. After starring Porter with questioning eyes for awhile, he loosened his tense like sighing and took a look at the pot he got from James. It was a brown clay pot with a cactus having thick and straight thorns. There was also a small paper tag: which have a reminder like ‘water it once per month when its soil dried’. Chander examined it and opened his mouth. “By the way, may I ask you something I wonder, sir?”  
“Huh?” James showed pure curiosity on his face. “What, what. Just tell it.”  
Chander cleared his throat and said, “You told me to take care of this as like it is you. Then what you want to tell me by giving this cactus to me?”  
“Uhh….” Porter showed embarrassment on his face. He narrowed his eyes little, and smiled awkwardly. “If I shooooould tell this then, I think this will be a long talk, you okay with it?”  
“Anyway, didn’t you give it to me because you wanted to tell something?” Chander faced Porter’s eyes directly. “That thing, won’t it be better to tell it to me, I meant.”  
James’ face became pale more and more. His gaze avoided Chander’s glance, and his hand wandering through his hair slowed and slowed.  
Mark sighed about this. “Well…. If it is something hard to tell then, you don’t have to. Just―”  
“No, It’ll be better to tell you I guess.”  
“Pardon?” because of his capricious overturn, Mark got confused more.  
Porter sat down to his bed right in front of the other bed Chander was sitting, and smiled awkwardly, but gladly. “Chander, you remember that night at the pantry? This is my own answer for your question.”

***  
It was late midnight in the lab. Chander just finished the arrangement and experiment of his jammer fully enough, and he moved his steps into the pantry to take a break awhile before perfecting small adjustment. There was full of silence except of white noise made by fridge and radiator, and pipes connected to the lab. Mark’s footsteps and actions made sounds and echoed, and he ignored that odd and familiar noise. He was just going to walk into the coffee maker and turn it on. If he didn’t hear suspicious rustling noise in here. He instinctively took his defensive stance and looked his back. But there wasn’t something special. No, there actually was. At the sofa under the shaded corner of the room, Porter was sitting there. Ah, Porter, it is you. Chander relieved and loosen his tense, and took a step into him.  
“Are you here after using the lab, too?” Mark started his conversation with a little mindless question.  
“There is no place to wander around this midnight.” he answered with desolate voice, unlike usual. Chander felt it without a doubt. That guy was a man who hadn’t lost his cocky face. Mark hadn’t seen him being depressed like this, even though he had seen him revealing his fierce temper because of anger. It was him which Chander hadn’t seen although he observed James for very long time. There was a problem with him, Chander noticed.  
“Huh, what’s the deal with starrin’ me like that.” Porter answered, as he realized Mark’s gaze. “You have somethin’ to tell or what?”  
It seems Porter didn’t feel comfortable with this situation, but Mark decided to sit on the further part of the sofa and glance him.  
“Hey―” Porter acted little anxious as like Mark is doubting something he wanted to hide. “Why are you disturbing me, you are being an weirdo unlike usual innit?”  
“You are being unusual too, isn’t it sir?” he tried his best to erase the tense from his voice. “Is there any problem? I may help you as your teammate.”  
“It has been long time wanderin’ and not sleepin’ at midnight. It is laughable, you just found it at now, and acting like this.” James seemed hostile to him. “What the hell is your problem doin’ this to me?”  
Although James seems like avoiding Chander’s question, but Chander, he couldn’t erase certain thoughts from his head. Porter always had been an airy person to his teammates. often he helped Chander a lot, and sometimes he gave emotional supports too. Chander reminded the value of social interactions like many friends which he already gave up to have, while seeing Porter and other operator’s interactions. However, he could find out a sort of personality from Porter. He hadn’t allowed other people to step over ‘a line’. It looked like he’s treating people well, but he acted defensive if someone tries to enter some subjects. And Chander felt like he saw another fragment of himself from James. An assumption that he is a person who doesn’t fit in normal society as Chander does. He recalled his childhood. He was treated as an gifted child, and passing and passing over grades rapidly. His peers looked too dumb to get along, and adults around him admired his ability as an genius, but they underestimated him as a person. He got sick of this all time, and once he kept trying to find someone who can understand real himself. But soon, he realized that expecting those things has no meaning, and became an outsider feeling skeptical about finding someone understanding him. Porter could be in similar case with him, maybe? Chander strongly reminded it can be a rough logical leap, at least he wanted to help him. Although he had acted cranky to him, he helped Chander as long as they were together, and―  
“Because I love you.” 

***

The rain it comes, The blood blotted through the ground. There was no last words. Porter’s head got a gunshot directly, and his body lost its strength and fell down. And Chander carved those images in his eyes. After the moment when he just showed a sign of clear to engage, the bullet from inside pierced his beloved partner’s head. At that moment, Chander himself could not understand what this situation fully, and he need to do his mission, by oppressing strong emotions springing from inside, and being unable to think this as a revenge or something. And the meaning of the vivid death revealed itself after the mission was fully succeed. Chander couldn’t stop his depression coming everytime when he realized James isn’t with him anymore. It is painful to facing the absence of his beloved one, but any absence of something was common thing happened through Mark’s whole life. So he endured. Even he felt his heart rotting inside, he kept his life as he did because he could stand by himself. However, what made him screamed in tear wasn’t the absence.  
Blue sky, a window, a cactus pot. This was all same with the day when two of them embraced each other. vivid sunshine came from the window, and breezy wind tenderly shaked the curtain. Mark just threw a paper bag having some grocery inside onto his bed, and the cactus pot has gotten into his sight. It was same with that day. There wasn’t the thing which was there. At the moment he was getting used to the absence, he faced the cruel truth again. Porter was existed, and two of them loved and adored each other. He wasn’t a person who can be buried by thinking it as dream or past. He definitely existed, he did. Chander started forgetting this truth, but now he faced it again. And he felt. Facing this made he feel like his heart was terribly shattered alive. Reminding the fact of his existence, recalling all of the memories with him til the end of Porter got his head pierced by a bullet…. He couldn’t stand this. He moved his heavy and rapid steps near the window, he roughly opened that, and threw the cactus pot to the outside. His breath was unsetting and tensed. 

***  
The heavy rain, which was same with the day his love died, it stopped and soon the sunshine showed itself from thick clouds. Chander realized it just after he fixed the cactus pot, as he realized that he need to embrace, memorize and recall Porter’s existence. He didn’t know why should he have to at the first time. However, the heavy rain recalled the day Porter died and Chander reminded the cactus pot he threw away. It will drown into death in this rain. Isn’t it too cruel to leave the alternative of who you loved while you made him into the death? Thus, because of this thoughts so Chander retrieved the pot without any time to think rationally. Finally after he got soaked and came back with the cactus, he tried to persuade himself. And he crystalized his thoughts. If himself tries to forget everything, then who will take care of himself and mourn Porter? He finally accepted this is a truth he need to face. Chander puted the cactus moved into the new pot. There was a small blossom was growing on the top of the cactus.


End file.
